Balance Magazine - Personal Growth For Women

Lessons In Living
Reality 101
By Liz Sterling

"To be fully human,you have to let go of alienation and feel connected.”

Have you noticed…sometimes the universe conspires to lead you in a certain direction to take you to a place you may not have sought on your own? Haven't you ever felt as if destiny has had a hand in certain occurrences as if you were just being led to your next destination?

It Can Happen…Simply
For example, Balance Magazine publisher Susie Levan and I were discussing the Fall issue early this year when the new book from Mitch Albom, "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" was hotter than hot. "Let's feature Mitch Albom. I just read his book and it's great," Susie said. I had, in fact, received his book for my birthday in December and loved it as well. But for me, it was the message in "Tuesdays with Morrie" that held a special place in my memory banks. So we were agreed to feature Mitch Albom for the Fall issue.

My job was to get to him. He hosts a radio show weekdays, a weekend edition on Saturdays, a Monday evening sports show, he writes a sports column for The Detroit Free Press, he is a sports commentator for ESPN, and on top of that, he runs around the country for book signings, interviews and special events!

Synchronicity At Work
My own thoughts sounded something like this..Way too busy, this guy won't have ten minutes to spare…how the heck am I going to get into his schedule…and then, I got a call from his publicist at Random House Audio Division. "Hi Liz, this is Melissa. We are getting ready to release Mitch Albom's audio version of "Tuesdays With Morrie", would you be interested in interviewing him?" After joyously agreeing to schedule a date, I was overcome with an awareness that Deepak Chopra's concept of "synchro-destiny" was at play here.

And so was the case for Mitch Albom in the birth of "Tuesdays with Morrie", a book about the meaning of life, love and death. In early 1995, Mitch turned on Nightline. On the screen was his former college professor and mentor, Morrie Schwartz, whom Mitch had not spoken to since graduating from college. Morrie was softly talking to Ted Koppel about his impending death. Mitch reflected back to his graduation day and the moment he said goodbye to Morrie. He made promises of keeping in touch. He never did.

Mitch flew to Massachusetts to visit with Morrie and returned every Tuesday until Morrie's death. During those meetings they talked about love, money, commitment, and spirit, what most people spend their live thinking and doing and what really matters in the world. As Morrie's life grew short, he gave Mitch the gift to see for himself that life was something more than the accumulation of fame, money and success.

Mitch, Morrie and Life
We talked about time, commitments and keeping up with busy schedules. "I have made big changes in my life", Albom tells me. "I have learned that my work cannot dominate all my time. I do a lot of things part-time and I am still working with the time issue. It's quite a challenge for me to promote a book about slowing down and then to show up late. Sometimes I am like the antithesis of what I learned from Morrie and I continue to strive for balance in my life."

He continues, "Here's something amazing I have learned. Be willing to say no and walk away from a situation that doesn't meet your requirements. When you want something out of desperation you are vulnerable. This is an undesirable position to be in. Never go into a situation desperate. If you can truly be willing to enter a situation willing to walk away from it, you will be in a better position. If it doesn't meet your needs, let it go. I continue to remind people though, I am not preaching to you about quitting your job and moving to an Ashram to chant all day. I am not suggesting you quit life. Look for balance; look for meaning. Our culture tells us 'bigger and better' is what we are striving for. We have to dismiss the old notion that if you take time for yourself, you are a loser. No way. This isn't how we really keep score in life."

Speaking about keeping score, I chimed in, considering Albom lives within the sports arena, a competitive, high-speed, fast paced jet-setting lifestyles, what do we do about competition? "People compete because they want to win and people want to win because they need winning in their lives and people need winning in their lives because obviously something else is missing. So look at it and ask yourself, what is it that is so important about winning? What need is it filling when you get to the core issue? Let's say it makes you feel important; ask yourself, what else could I do to feel important? I see crazy stuff at kids' basketball and little league games. These parents are out of control and are frustrated with their own lives. Maybe they have been beaten down by their jobs or by their economics and they are trying to fill a void, taking out their own rage on the umpire. Most people are smart enough to know that a little league game or a sales call can be put into perspective. It's not that big a deal."

"We now hunger and thirst for something other than what has been told to us is important, hence the success of 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and 'The Five People You Meet In Heaven.' These books emphasize relationships, quiet time and the people you touch in small ways. But our culture says the biggest is the best. Just look at American Idol and reality TV. Can you imagine, now you have to get hired by Donald Trump? The essence of life is in the small things-the things that go under the radar. An old man and a former student talking on Tuesdays, an old guy who doesn't think he matters because he spends his life fixing risers in an amusement park…we know these are the important things in life…deep down, intrinsically, we know this."

A Deep Need For Connection
As I looked at the clock, I began to panic. We were already way over our allotted time together and I found myself in my own world—worrying about time. I realized I wasn't connected to Mitch anymore. Another 'syncro-destiny'…feel disconnected, talk about connection and then marvel as our interview unfolds about making meaningful connections in our lives. I snapped back to reality and asked, in 'Tuesdays with Morrie,' you talk about the desire to feel connected. How do we get that connected feeling?

He responded with, "Start by asking yourself if you are yearning for people while watching television. Then, turn it off or go shut down the computer. Call a friend or ask a neighbor to go for a walk. We yearn for something so simple…contact with other human beings, but we have made this so complex because we don't trust one another, because we lack confidence or because we've been hurt. We have to recognize that being with people is the most important thing we can do."

"Morrie never watched television. He didn't worship Friends on NBC. The irony is this. I watched people rush away from their friends to get home in time to watch the Friends finale. What's so hard about being connected? Take a hard look at yourself. Are you isolating yourself by day trading on your computer, or IM-ing while alone in your home? It's not hard to get connected but you have to be willing to let go of those things that keep you away from people. Morrie used to have these discussion groups. I laugh now thinking about it. He would form the group about the issue of the day. For example the topic would be how to deal with a nuclear threat. Mind you, this was in the 70's. So Morrie and his wife and this guy from down the street and a local tradesman would all get together and talk. I asked him one day, did you solve the nuclear threat? 'No, but we got together and drank coffee.' What makes more sense…to watch a reality show alone at home and watch people living their lives…or create a meaningful life for ourselves and those we love?"

Mitch Albom's RX for Creating a Meaningful Life

Spend it with people...people you love.
Spend time with people who need your help. Volunteer.
Balance your time…if you work 40 hours a week, give yourself 20 hours off! Create a Sabbath day for yourself.
Make your meals with people, especially your family.
Create rituals for your family.
Change your culture. Travel or read about others and expand your awareness.
Do something that gives you a feeling of meaning and purpose.