Rules of the Game

Success is a process of trials, errors and occasional victories.

There are certain words and ideas that are in vogue. They reflect a time in our personal and evolutionary development and set the tone for exploring our relationship to the world. Thoreau, Robert Louis Stevenson, Blake and Dylan Thomas had a language unto themselves. Their subject matter was quite different than that of Shakespeare, Milton and Voltaire and yet, throughout history we have all sought to define success. The warm words of wisdom Dr. Chérie Carter-Scott employs in her third book of her hugely popular series, “If Success Is A Game, These Are The Rules” are contemporary words yet the concepts…are perennial. Carter-Scott addresses the issues at the heart of a meaningful career and life from finding one’s true calling to discovering the riches abundant in our daily routines.

Carter-Scott, who holds a Ph.D. in human and organizational systems, is spokesperson and premiere faculty member of eWomenNetwork.com, has learned about life from her own first-hand experience. “I can relate to others’ suffering. Both my parents died before
I was thirty, my step-father disinherited me, my business partner succumbed to breast cancer and my husband walked out on me and our eighteen month-old daughter leaving me destitute and penniless. I have come to understand that when dealing with change it’s okay to be in grief, anger, sadness, bargaining or wherever you might feel. I accept that our capacity to deal with change is different for everyone. My belief is that success is about becoming completely whole…who you are in the highest sense of what that means.” Carter-Scott continued by defining success for herself. “My own definition,” she relates, “is supporting and empowering people to make choices that align them with their higher selves.”

But you didn’t mention your bank account, how many clients you have, how many new books you will publish and the exact date you will appear on The Oprah Winfrey Show again. She offered clarification. “Success, Liz, is not how much money you have in the bank. Success is something that comes from the inside. Each person must explore deeply within him/herself what success looks like and then ask, What’s my purpose? What is my mission? What are my talents, my gifts and capabilities? These are the true markers of success. It’s not about being a cover girl or a tycoon, although this is how society has valued success. Success is synonymous with fulfillment and satisfaction. I recommend that everyone define success for themselves and map out a course of action as follows:

1) Discern between the success that society has defined and your own definition. Never stew and turn yourself into a pretzel seeking to gain clarity. Let it flow from you. Establish a mission statement that will act as a rudder in your life, anchoring you when you are uncertain or afraid. Ask yourself, What do I enjoy? What is important to me? What do I like doing? These questions are like little shovels that allow you to get down to the authentic self to your essence.

2) Develop a support network. Make these people your cheerleaders who will root for you and help you get over your challenges. And make sure they don’t believe you when you say I can’t. These are the people who will see you through to the end of your vision.”

Chérie Carter-Scott has also written the popular book, “Negaholics: How To Overcome Negativity and Turn Your Life Around”. The book is the answer to negative self talk, put-downs and sabotage of yourself and others. By stopping the blame and shame game, you can begin to look at the world in a different perspective. This takes us deep into the subject of mind chatter. I asked her about overcoming the inner minimizer, the one who doubts, limits and echoes voices from the past. She shared more tools for creating the success we want. “First,” she explained, “there are going to be voices in our head, our mind chatter, and these work against us. There are three approaches,” she tells me. “Train the negative voice, negotiate with it or evict it entirely. Training comes through coaching. The old messages that came from our past hold a limited idea of how the world works and how we fit in. We want to update that perspective. Train the voices to say what you want! Teach your mind to be positive, supportive and encouraging of your growth. The next method of changing your negative mind chatter is achieved through negotiation. If you can’t train the voice—find a common ground that will allow it to be quieted. Listen to its liturgy and reshape its focus away from old beliefs. Finally, if all else fails, eviction is the answer. Imagine a guest comes to your home and begins to throw garbage on your carpeting. You would muster up all the courage and strength necessary to tell them…YOU MUST GO! This is required if we are to experience fulfillment in our lives and make new choices.”

In our interview we discussed SMART goals versus VISIONS. “Visions are broad abstract ideas that are not anchored in reality. Goals, on the other hand, are specific, with a time-based date for accomplishment.” I asked her about her goals. Having appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show two times and selling more that 600,000 books in the weeks that followed her appearance, I asked if this was one of her goals. She wanted to be on Oprah and accepted within herself that if it was in the highest good, it would happen. She then wrote down her goal, envisioned it and prayed for the outcome. Then, she told me, Divine Intervention played its part. And that’s the way it happens. Her SMART Goals include: Specific; Measurable; Attainable; Realistic; and Time-Based Goals.

Dr. Carter-Scott also advises us to record our accomplishments on a daily basis. “Put the spotlight on what you did today. Oftentimes we go to sleep thinking, I could have, I should have or I have to. Instead, through our Accomplishment Journal, we give ourselves a pat on the back. Just let go of that quest for perfection!”

Chérie Carter-Scott has now appeared on three continents and in twenty-five countries. Her message is both timely and timeless. We have grown from a society that allows the outside world to define us and have moved into a deeper understanding of success. Success is unique
to each and every one of us. We need not limit our understanding of success to net worth, fame, recognition and popularity. That’s the old definition. Today, as we probe deeper into understanding the longing of our souls, we recommit to fulfill our life mission. By realizing how unique and authentic our essential self is, we allow success to be defined from the inside out. As we learn how to transform our attitude and behavior, we can open up the door of
possibilities and really go after our dreams, goals and wishes. Success can be a difficult and precarious journey, but once are goals are identified, we can begin to move closer to what we want and to grow as individuals.

1. Each Person Has Their Own Definition of Success
2. Wanting Success Is The First Step Towards Attaining It
3. Self–Trust Is Essential
4. Goals Are The Stepping Stones On Your Path
5. Opportunities Will Be Presented
6. Your Actions Affect Your Outcomes
7. Each Setback Provides Valuable Lessons
8. Managing Your Resources Maximizes Your Efforts
9. Every Level Of Success Brings New Challenge
10. Succeeding Is A Process That Never Ends

© 2002 Balance Magazine