ALOHA
by Liz Sterling

It’s not like he was challenging me, but my belief system was getting wobbly. Dr. Paul Pearsall didn’t hold back. Throughout our conversation, he was forthright, honest, poignant and penetrating. Well, what would you expect from a man who has authored fourteen books with the next release entitled, Toxic Success: Getting What You Want Without Losing What You Need. He is probably most well known for his book, The Heart’s Code which dealt with heart transplant recipients recalling memories and personality traits of their donors. In this groundbreaking book, he forged new territory that confirmed the heart is a thinking, feeling organ that literally connects with other hearts. When we talked, he went right to the heart of the matter. “The brain,” he said, “is in a lethal alliance with the body and it left the heart out. It is like an HMO, it’s a selfish organism that just wants to keep the body alive. Now we have to reconnect with the heart and change the way we are living. First of all, we have to let go of Individualism. It is an illusion. Heartfully speaking, we are all connected. How about a story Liz?” he asks me. And I welcome him to proceed as he is draws me in. It is hard to describe how gentle his tone was and how indigenous a vibe I was getting. It was as if he knew something and was alluding to it, without actually defining it. I knew my goal was to get the truth exposed. Sugar coating in this conversation was not even part of the picture, but the question remained, what did he really want to say. And so he began. “The story is about a Hawaiian maiden who intends to marry her beau but they must first be granted permission by the Kahuna (healer). Consent was denied and the Kahuna, a rather mean individual, banished the man to the mountains and the woman to the sea. Upon hearing the decree, the woman removed a flower from her hair, tore it in half and staining it with her tears, watched purple spots rise from the flower. She gave her beau half and kept the other half for herself. Today, in Hawaii, at the same time each year, up in the mountains, the Nau Paka flower blooms and down by the sea, the other half of the flower blooms simultaneously. I am looking at the flower from my window and it is a reminder to all who live in Hawaii, that we are connected. With this idea in hand, we can move toward Kakou (pronounced Kako) or all-inclusive thinking. That is when we shift from I to Us consciousness. It is important for people to know that whenever we think we’re separate, we are deluding ourselves.”

“So how can I use this in my life?” I asked. “Well, it starts at home. First of all, Love is a choice, not a feeling. You have to choose to experience love and given the statistics, it’s not going so well. Sixty-four percent of marriages entered into this year will end in divorce. I think we’re in big trouble.” “Here it comes,” I thought to myself, “the gloom and doom” And as if reading my mind he replies, "I’m not a naysayer, but I am a researcher and our society has reached a level of success that indicates a change is coming. There have been five civilizations that have accomplished as much as we have and they are all now extinct. The way we are moving, I am afraid for our civilization. We have to shift from Continental thinking (or rock logic) to Oceanic thinking. Then we will experience more compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Civilizations with oceanic thinking know no boundaries and thrive. Mary Phiffer said, “if families just let the culture happen to them, they end up fat, addicted and broke with a house full of junk and no time.” We can’t let this happen to us, especially now. We are lacking contentment and it comes from a pervasive sense of deficiency, self-doubt, detachment and depression. As we compete for a better life, we have all but forgotten what a good life is. In Deuteronomy it says, “Rejoice in all the good that God has given.” Become a DoMo, someone who does less. And then pause, rest, breathe; because in Hawaii, we have a word for people who can’t catch their breath. They are called Ha Ole, without breath. Knebel tells us, “This life is not a dress rehearsal. We know from Einstein that, “Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted.”

Speaking of counting and pauses, the information was flowing quickly and our conversation took so many twists and turns and we meandered through so many territories, that time was no longer a question. Our 30 minutes became 45 then 60 and after an hour and a few minutes, I knew it was time to say goodbye. I really didn’t want to hang up at this point because so much was hanging in the lurch…what about civilization, consciousness and happiness? I wasn’t ready to say aloha. I was enthralled by what I was hearing and was literally being indoctrinated into the Hawaiian philosophy and opening to oceanic thinking. With no sense of boundaries, I went on. What about your relationship with Hawaii I asked. How did that happen? After a very brief and apparent pause, Dr. Pearsall explained the Hawaiian philosophy to me in one word. ALOHA. “Tell people to go home and relate to their mates. This is where the real work is. It’s easy to sit in a circle with perfect strangers and hug everyone but try holding on to a relationship for a while. My wife and I have been together for 36 years. We have a learning disabled child and another child with Cerebral Palsy. Years ago I was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma. We’ve had difficult times but this is what it is all about. This is how we shift our consciousness. Go home to your spouse or go to your colleague and connect with them. Ask yourself what you’re thinking about in the morning. Do you wake up thinking, “how are we or how am I?” As radical as this sounds, if you want to learn about consciousness, go fall in love with someone and stay in love. It is much easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one person for a lifetime. Remember the Nau Paka.” ALOHA.

A
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stands for “Ahonui”—it means patience, practice and persistence

L
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stands for “Lakahi”—it means unity expressed harmoniously

O
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stands for “O-luolu”—it means to be agreeable expressed with pleasantness

H
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stands for “Ha-aha-a”—it encourages humility expressed with modesty

A
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stands for “Akahai”—kindness expressed with tenderness

Incorporate these 7 qualities into your life for a sense of Sweet Success:

1. Sufficiency
2. Serenity
3. Significance
4. Sharing
5. Sensuality
6. Silliness
7. Sacredness

Dr. Paul Pearsall is the author of 14 books including The Heart’s Code and Partners in Pleasure. He is a licensed clinical psychoneuroimmunologist and clinical professor at the University of Hawaii in Manoa.

© 2002 Balance Magazine